Gusty Blusts

and other stories The Weird and Wonderful World of "J"
Approx 369 words | Read time approx 2 - 3 mins

Bottoms, breakfast and holey underpants

Man baring his backside in a liftBare bottoms, underpant flashing in a public place and accusations involving imaginary breakfasts . . .

WANDERING ALONG a corridor in the local general hospital, the monotony was suddenly and unexpectedly interrupted by a strange, middle-aged bloke who, for reasons that no doubt made sense to him at the time, felt the urge to tell me about a hole he apparently had in his underpants . . . Quite why he thought I should be interested, I’ve no idea, but there you go.

The small matter of him wanting me to rummage around in his pants to find it, was only slightly more disturbing than him actually unbuckling his belt, starting to pull his trousers down and grabbing hold of his undies.

Even more disturbing though was the fact that this was a particularly busy corridor and folks were just passing on by oblivious – as if this kind of thing was a regular occurrence.

Then, and if that wasn’t quite bad enough, I unfortunately ended up sharing a lift with an old bloke who, no sooner had the doors closed, lifted up his gown, bent over, thrust his bare, hairy backside in my face and said ‘here, will yer have a feel of this?’

‘Er, no, you’re alright thanks!’ I responded somewhat dumbfoundedly while wondering yet again, just how the hell I managed to attract them. Needless to say as soon as the lift doors opened, I made my hasty exit. Even if it did turn out to be the wrong floor.

Hospital business concluded, and in desperate need of a caffeine fix, I headed for what I thought was the sanctuary of the cafe in the main foyer. Only, no sooner had I found a seat and sat down to enjoy my coffee and biccy, than a strange bloke, who must have been in his late thirties, made a beeline for my table.

The small matter of him having bypassed all the unoccupied tables enroute, somehow forewarning me of a potential crazy encounter. And strange how his opening line ‘excuse me, but I think you’re standing on my breakfast!’ kind of confirmed it.

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5 Responses to “Bottoms, breakfast and holey underpants”

  1. 1
    Mich says:

    Lady, you’re in need of a bodyguard – am only 20mins outta Sky Harbor – just say the word and i’ll be on my way 🙂

  2. 2
    scripto says:

    lol – were you in the crazy people hospital? That’s really, really scary!

  3. 3
    J says:

    No, just in and around the foyer area of the main hospital . . . btw they tend to be better behaved in the crazy person section, although that’s probably something to do with sedatives 😉

  4. 4
    gadgetgal says:

    Scary! Think you should accept the bodyguard offer!

  5. 5
    scripto says:

    I’m with Mich and Gadgetgal! lol 🙂

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