Gusty Blusts

and other stories The Weird and Wonderful World of "J"
Approx 583 words | Read time approx 2 - 4 mins

Care in the community

Cup of coffee

A coffee and chat with an old friend results in a rather disturbing proposition – it’s not everyday a complete stranger asks you to move in with him . . . oh, and for you to help care for his mother . . .

WHILE ENJOYING a coffee and a chat with an old friend who, no doubt wishes to remain nameless, my freak magnet cover was almost blown when she suddenly stopped mid sentence and said, ‘ey up – have you seen them two over there?!’ in a manner that couldn’t have been any the less obvious had she actually stood up and pointed.

My attention was drawn to an odd looking couple, at the far side of the busy room, who thankfully, were oblivious to the world around them. He must have been in his late forties, sporting black round glasses, countless silver bangles and a pair of one hundred percent pure imitation red leather pants.

His mother, or at least that’s what she appeared to be, was a rather large, overly-made-up woman wearing what was possibly once a brown fur coat, but was now so minge infested and manky it was impossible to tell.

He was busily stuffing his face with a Knickerbocker Glory and covering himself in ice cream and coloured sprinkles.

She was fussily pouring tea and noisily working her way through a large selection of iced fancies – the fallout of which was spattered liberally through what remained of the fur on her coat, her hair and the surrounding area.

knickerbocker gloryShe had a point, but hey – who am I to judge? Although I thought her next remark ‘bet they come and talk to you!’ was a tad uncalled for, but decided it was probably time to leave anyway. Just in case.

Still, any delusions I might have had of experiencing one of those ever-so-rare colourful character free days, kind of disappeared when someone tapped me on the shoulder and said, ‘mother’s really very well behaved and cuddly you know!’

To which I involuntarily responded by jumping at least three feet into the air and careering forward, straight into the shop window, while simultaneously releasing what was later described as a blood curdling ‘arghhhhhh!’

‘Oh, I’m terribly sorry!’ he said looking genuinely horrified at my reaction although possibly not half as horrified as I was actually feeling.
‘Arghhhhh!’ I continued uncontrollably.
‘I didn’t mean to startle you, I’m really sorry – I just wanted to talk to you!’
‘Arghhhhh – rhhhh – hhh!’

I’m not often stuck for words, but shock has a habit of rendering me well, speechless.

‘Do you like animals?’ he continued as if trying to pacify a small child.
‘I thought you looked like someone who liked animals!’ And before I even had chance to respond he man handled his mother in front of him, grabbed hold of what was left of her fur coat and said ‘meet the latest line in grizzly bear!’

The fact that the pair of them were still covered in ice cream and sponge cake somehow made it all the more disturbing. Although when he said ‘I was hoping you’d come live with me and help look after mother – she’s really very well behaved and cuddly you know!’ It was definitely time to go.

And where was my so-called friend during all of this? Immobilised by a fit of uncontrollable laughter and muttering something along the lines of ‘I told you so!’

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One Response to “Care in the community”

  1. 1
    gadgetgal says:

    Yer mate was a lotta help – lol!

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