Gusty Blusts

and other stories The Weird and Wonderful World of "J"
Approx 334 words | Read time approx 1 - 3 mins

Lemming lemon


What’s the worst that can happen? The trials and tribulations of squeezing a lemon in public places . . .

IT WASN’T exactly my fault that a large segment of lemon took exception to being squeezed and decided to leap out of my fingers and through the open window behind me.

And since the lemon had leapt out of my hand and straight into the brief, but irresponsible hands of gravity I couldn’t exactly be held accountable for what happened next either.

So, it really wasn’t my fault that having hurled itself blindly into the open air, high above the heads of shoppers in the street below, the lemon clearly sensed it’s imminent demise, appointed it’s victim and proceeded to fall out of the sky above an unsuspecting shiny bald head that just so happened to be unconvincingly disguised by a comb-over.

Comb overI wasn’t entirely sure whether I should watch the impending impact or return to attempting to assault my oysters with yet another piece of lemon – especially since that too might also take exception to being squeezed and make a desperate bid for freedom in the form of suicide from a second story window.

“It wasn’t exactly my fault that the lemon took exception to being squeezed and committed suicide from a second story window . . .”

Either way I was routed to my chair in a fit of those silent, eye watering giggles and seizure-like laughter induced involuntary body jerks . . . leaving the other half, who had clearly missed the whole lemming lemon incident to no doubt wonder, yet again, whether accompanying his wife out in public was such a good idea after all.

Fortunately, Galway just happens to be by the sea, so I’m hoping the victim blamed the unsuspecting assault, resulting in a rather desperate and impromptu bout of public dome polishing and strategic re-combing, on one of those ludicrously large, genetically mutated, mocking seagulls

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