Gusty Blusts

and other stories The Weird and Wonderful World of "J"
Approx 290 words | Read time approx 1 - 2 mins

Old farmers and fire starters


Black bin bags and a strange old man brandishing a petrol lighter . . . just some of the bizarre things found in the garden . . .

IT’S NOT every day you draw back the curtains to discover a strange old farmer trying to set fire to a pile of rubbish in your back garden is it? Well, thankfully not at least anyway.

Just because your garden might well have resembled a post apocalyptic aftermath is beside the point – you still really don’t expect this kind of thing.

So there he was, this strange, manic old farmer sporting a flat cap, grubby tweeds and wellybobs, emptying out two big black bin bags of household waste into the garden. Before producing a lighter and then setting fire to it. Or at least trying anyway, since half-empty tin cans, mouldy, half eaten slices of bread, egg shells, rotting vegetables and the like aren’t exactly reknown for their flammable properties.

Whereas the stuff that was of a flammable nature like newspapers, empty cereal boxes, yoghurt pots and cartons were busily being scooped up by the wind and distributed around the neighbourhood as part of a major countryside littering campaign.

As for why he was trying to torch the trash I’m not entirely sure, but even the not-so-subtle ‘what the bloody hell do you think you’re playing at you silly old pillock!’ from the other half, who was never one to mince words, unfortunately seemed to fall on deaf ears.

What a mess. Let’s just say he cleared up what little had neither burnt nor blown away, but as to why he’d chosen our garden since it wasn’t exactly near anyway, I’d absolutely no idea.

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3 Responses to “Old farmers and fire starters”

  1. 1
    scripto says:

    Cheeky old sod!

  2. 2
    gadgetgal says:

    Lol – cheeky beggar! Did he clear the mess up?

  3. 3
    J says:

    Some – not much though as by this time the wind had carried it away across the fields. We did do our best to pick up what we could though.

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